we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
false alarm, still single
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