do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
