wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.