my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?