Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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