I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
