I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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