A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ugly people sure do ruin things
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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