it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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