he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
