My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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