Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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