Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
