What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
