He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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