I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
