Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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