Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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