I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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