We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
