I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
