Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
