we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
