Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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