tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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