eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
