So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize