how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
