i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
