i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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