I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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