Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex on a dog bed..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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