cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
