omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
