Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
