...so i touched it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
