oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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