I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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