I can't watch pbs sober anymore
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
