Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
