Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
