You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
