my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
