dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize