just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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