Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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