Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
