Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
