...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
