I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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