Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
