he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
