wanna go halves on a baby?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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