It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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