This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
