Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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