i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
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I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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