I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
