New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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