her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
