so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
