omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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