I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
