Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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