Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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