He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
